Raising children can be subjective and complicated. But there are many hard and fast rules that seem to bridge the gap between a myriad of parenting styles. Positive parenting - offering children positive feedback for their achievements and efforts - can go a long way towards raising positive, emotionally healthy adults.

Too often children are noticed - and punished - for their negative behavior. While discipline and boundaries are always appropriate, you must be sure that your child is not only receiving negative attention. When children are noticed for their bad behavior and ignored when they are acting appropriately, it sends the wrong kind of message. And what can result - when positive parenting is not utilized - is a lifetime of acting out in order to get attention.

Instead, demonstrate positive parenting by celebrating the accomplishments of your children. Have a special dinner for a great report card, hang good schoolwork up on the refrigerator, give consistent verbal praise for a job well done, and take special notice of good behavior in social settings. Children will respond to positive parenting. Anyone who has experienced it will attest to the fact that a child’s face will light up when you verbally validate good behavior. They’ll be sure to repeat it because it earned them high regard and a pat on the back.

Positive parenting is not a complicated concept. Children are people too. And if we take into account our own experiences as adults, it’s not difficult to see how positive parenting works. How often do we, as adults, wish that our hard work would be noticed in our place of work? Instead it seems as though we’re only addressed to be dressed down for something we failed to accomplish. After awhile, this negative attention can really beat you down emotionally. It seems futile to keep putting in the hard work when it’s never noticed.

Children feel the same way. If their positive accomplishments are never validated, then they don’t learn to continue. Often we assume that they know their efforts are appreciated. But those who practice positive parenting know that a child’s efforts must be verbally recognized - consistently and enthusiastically.

Positive parenting can reap enormous rewards. Not only will you encourage the healthy development of your child through their adolescence but you will ensure them an adulthood filled with self-confidence, emotional health, and happiness. And there’s no greater reward than that.

Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret it ten minutes later?

Silly question, it happens to us all no matter how well-behaved our kids or placid and patient we are. At times the general strains and stresses of life wear us down so our emotional responses don’t match children’s behaviours. Or rather, their less than perfect behaviour doesn’t warrant the ‘screaming banshee’ response that you have provided.

So what do you do if you have blown your top and given your children an absolute verbal blast with steam coming out of both your ears?

First, check that your rare outburst of anger is just that – rare. If you are always angry or over-reacting then this is a fair sign that all is not right with you. I don’t want to state the bleeding obvious, but constant sudden outbursts of anger are a sign that all is not right with the world. It may mean taking a break, getting some additional help with your kids or even getting some professional counselling to sort out internal or relationship issues.

If your outburst is rare rather than pathological then the best response is to show your children that your are human and apologise. Put a little time between your outburst and your apology and consider giving an explanation. “Sorry about yelling at you guys. I have been working so hard lately. I guess I need a break.”

No need to grovel, just reveal your human side to your family. Your children will take their cues from you and will more than likely talk on an emotional level if they see you go to the same space. Revealing your vulnerability gives children permission to reveal theirs.

It is a good anger management practice to check your own anger levels from time to time. When you know you are under stress and feel yourself about to blow your top- take a break, phone someone up (and vent your spleen, if possible), or just to count to 20 (or 100) before you blow your stack unnecessarily to your kids.

There is a place for parent anger in the discipline process – as long as it is controlled. There are the times when children really need to know they have crossed a line and your whole voice and attitude needs to convey that a behaviour is unacceptable. Most parents will know the type of response I am referring to. The voice goes steely and the words come out purposefully. Eye contact is strong and body language is direct. The kids aren’t frightened. They just know that that their mum or dad mean what they say! Gulp! It is the type of response that should be saved for times when children put each other down unmercilessly, or when they show gross disrespect to themselves, others or their environment.

We all want to steer clear from angry responses when we interact with those we love. But being human means that our behaviour doesn’t always reach the lofty heights that we would like, and at times we lose our cool. So recognise the signs of pending anger and take steps to manage it, and if you do lose the plot, reveal your vulnerability and apologise. Nothing wrong with that!

The goal in life for nearly everyone comes down to some positive results. This also applies to raising our children which is the most important thing we may ever do. Positive parenting brings many benefits that you can enjoy for a lifetime.

Whether it’s a good paycheck on payday, a great day at the park, a good evening of family watching a movie, family time putting up decorations for the holidays or nearly any other event in daily life; we always look for positives. These are the things that make life enjoyable. This doesn’t need to end at this level. Positive parenting can make many more of these events while raising our children, and many positive adult years for our children and family later on.

Many might find it hard to remain positive with the times, though it’s not all about the times at all. It’s what’s in front of you. What do you see? There must be good. Focus more on that and it will take you a long way. Look at the smiles, and enjoyment in your children. These have been keeping parents positive throughout the ages.

A lot of positive parenting isn’t as hard as it would seem. Like many things usually the most effective way is leading by example. If you manage to keep a great positive mental attitude, it will rub off on all around you. This is where it all starts.

When it comes to discipline, you will need to look for ways that don’t shed negative light on the matter at hand and the correct direction for it to occur. Coming up with solutions that are the most positive and encouraging them positively will indeed give you many more successes. Everyone wants to feel like their moving in the right direction, and children doing so are likely to do their best if they know the way.

With them watching carefully, it’s just as important to handle other matters in a similar way, as they are still getting examples they will follow there as well. Even in the most extreme and negative situations, try your best to remain as positive as you can. While positive parenting, you not only give your children better direction, it will indeed rub off on you as well.

When parenting teenagers, things may come up that might make it hard to remain positive. Whether it is some serious incident at home, trouble at school, or maybe problems with the authorities, you still need to look for positive direction as you want the most positive outcome you can get. Setting a wrong straight where all come out the best possible is indeed positive.

Taking a look at the opposite can help someone better see the benefits of positive parenting. When reading the headlines about various family problems that come up in society, how often do you see much positive in it? You usually see only the bad in it all. It took a lot more negative to bring the situation out than just what hits the headlines. They could have avoided that by looking for much more positive in their lives.

When looking for more input on positive parenting, you probably want to start where you are reading this. You may find more articles as well as additional resources that help you to carry out even more positive parenting.

The internet is a huge place with many self help and positive mental attitude resources to see. Further a lot of them are very specific to the area of parenting. From those you can find many stories and examples that you can relate to that might give you a little more advantage in your own situation.

In the end, with a positive attitude at parenting, you will definitely see many more successes and the happiness that comes with them. Bringing up your children with this will indeed give them a much better start on life as well.

The emotional reaction which a person has on hearing the phrase “single parent family” might very well depend on his or her age.

For Americans who came of age before 1975, the mental picture of an ideal family, as portrayed by the media, included two parents, one of whom, usually the father, was the breadwinner. Those children who came from homes with only one parent present were considered, by researchers, to be experiencing a “Family Deficit Model.” Hardly an attitude designed to help single parents and their children feel good about themselves.

Even worse, researchers did not look past the lack of a father or mother to other factors common in single-parent households when deciding that life in one of them automatically doomed children to second-rate academic and social performance. But with over three-fifths of all US children born in the last twenty-five years now spending at least five years in a single parent household, understanding single parenting positive and negative effects on academics is crucial.

Research into the single parenting positive and negative effects on academics is ongoing, but studies completed in 1991 and 1997 indicated that there was a 300% higher high school drop out rate among children from single family homes than among those in ”nuclear” families. This was in spite of the fact that the academic abilities of the dropouts in either group were equal.

One explanation for this statistic is that single parents, often their family’s sole sources of income, cannot always spend time overseeing their children’s study habits, or being present at extracurricular activities. But an even bigger factor, and probably the single most important one, in single parenting positive and negative effects on academics is the typically lower income level of single parent homes.

Among households of similar size and equal income, regardless of the number of parents present, there is little statistical difference in the children’s academic performance. While this finding sheds real doubt on the assumption that a two parent household is “better” for a child, it is really not surprising.

In a single parent household with an adequate income, the parent will have more free time to devote to the children’s studies and school activities. Children who have that sort of support, even if from “only” one parent, are much better equipped to deal with the intellectual and social demands of school than children in either single or two parent households who do not have it.

It’s also been shown that children in single parent homes who receive regular child support from the absent parent will perform better academically than those who do not. This factor has nothing to do with the single parenting abilities of the parent with whom the child lives, but is another indication that the biggest factor in single parenting positive and negative effects on academics is not a matter of parenting style, but of income.

And in certain circumstances, a single parenting positive effect on academics may actually stem from having a mother who must work full time to support the family. The mother’s income, of course, is an obvious benefit, but a 1986 study headed by Ann Milne indicated that African American elementary school children in low-income single parent homes with working mothers outperformed those in low-income two-parent homes with stay-at-home mothers. When low incomes are involved, it appears that children with mothers who struggle to support them are inspired to overcome their disadvantages.

If the continuing research into single parenting positive and negative effects on academics bears these earlier findings out, we may learn that the secret to raising a successful, well-adjusted student is nothing more than money.

Do you ever regret nagging your children? Do you feel guilty afterwards? Inside you’ll discover the secret to positive parenting and getting your kids to cooperate.

A young mother yelled at her son, Sammy, “Don’t tease your sister. It’s becoming a bad habit.” “No it isn’t,” replied, Sammy. “It’s becoming a hobby.”

The young mother yelled “Don’t” and Sammy rebelled by sassing her. “Don’t” is a negative word with a negative picture. Here’s an example of what I mean.

A Self Esteem Example:

Years ago I counseled a 17-year-old goal kicker. He was about to be dropped from his football team because he kept kicking the ball to the right of the goal post. I asked him, “Do you say something right before you kick the ball?”

“Yes, I tell myself, ‘Don’t kick the ball to the right.’” His mind didn’t register “don’t” but it did register the negative picture.

It was as if he told himself, “Kick the ball to the right.” I told him to drop the word, “Don’t.” He changed his sentence and told himself, “I am kicking the ball through the goal posts.” His picture turned positive. He moved toward that picture and remained the star goal kicker.

Self Esteem and the Power of “Don’t” to Influence Character:

We move toward our pictures. This is the key to remember. Our minds don’t register “don’t.” Our minds register the picture after the word, “don’t.” Check out the following sentences and notice the pictures your child sees.

“Don’t sass me” becomes “Sass me.”
“Don’t tease your little sister” becomes “Tease your little sister.”
“Don’t spoil your dinner” becomes “Spoil your dinner.”
“Don’t hit your brother” becomes “Hit your brother.”
“Don’t leave your bike in the rain” becomes “Leave your bike in the rain.”
“Don’t bang on the piano” becomes “Bang on the piano.”
“Don’t run through the house” becomes “Run through the house.”
“Don’t leave your toys in the living room” becomes “Leave your toys in the living room.”
“Don’t be noisy” becomes “Be noisy.”

Can you feel the heaviness of “don’t” in those sentences? Can you hear the nagging? Your child may stop the negative behavior for the moment and then start it up again.

How to Be a Positive Parent and Build Self Esteem with Character:

The secret is to give positive directions that give your child a word picture to move toward. Here are some examples that show the opposite wordings to the above directions.

“Speak in a respectful tone.”
“Remember to treat your little sister gently.”
“Save your appetite for tonight’s dinner.”
“Show me how nicely you can play with your brother.”
“Bring your bike in out of the rain.”
“Use a soft touch when playing the piano.”
“Please walk through the house.”
“Pick up your toys before going out to play.”
“Lower your voice.”

Conclusion ~ How Positive Directions Build Self Esteem and Character:

When you give a positive direction you give your child a positive picture to move toward. Your child can visualize that picture. He’ll feel more like cooperating than rebelling. You’ll not only build self esteem with character, you’ll become a positive parent too.

Parents play the most critical role in the social development of a child. Parenting behavior is directly linked with a teenager’s tendency to become delinquent or develop behavioral problems. Behavioral parenting training is a scientific approach in parenting that concentrate on educating parents on how to use effective skills in managing their children. The principle behind this training is that behavioral problems in children will decrease if the basic principles of parenting are improved in the parent.

Behavioral parenting training is a highly-structured program that helps parents recognize their child’s social behavior, use proven techniques in social learning and enhance their problem-solving skills regarding family issues. Parenting training, in general, is useful even if the child is not yet born or if the couple is still in the stage of planning a family because they will learn positive parenting skills early and will be ready to put them into practice once they finally have their child.

Behavioral parenting training can occur in different settings such as schools, churches, community centers, or even at business offices. Home sessions are also available sometimes. Likewise, trainers use several approaches in behavioral parenting training.

These training programs are facilitated by professional and well-trained educators. Typically, parenting training programs take 8 up to 14 sessions, lasting 1 to 2 hours per session. Trainers follow a curriculum and employ several learning aids such as guidebooks, handouts, video resources and etcetera. TV programs, newspaper and magazine articles, pamphlets and other written resources may also be used as education materials.

A primary skill learned in behavioral parenting training is positive reinforcement. Parents will also learn how to lessen inappropriate disciplinary behavior and punishment. Behavioral parenting training can be very useful to help parents detect in their children the early signs of drug or alcohol abuse and other forms of delinquency. However, parenting training is not necessarily offered only to parents of dysfunctional or broken families. This program is for any parent who wishes to educate themselves on the principles of good parenting and learn proven effective methods of child discipline.

Parenting training programs are usually provided by parent action groups, parent support groups, and other non-profit organizations. These groups can have a nationwide reach with local chapters in cities across the country or they can be groups composed of parents within a neighborhood.

Parenting training programs deal with important factors in parenting and parent-child relationship such as the attachment of the child to the parent, parental supervision, and consistent discipline.

In 1954, Torrance, California family counsellor Dorothy Law Nolte dashed off a poem in order to meet a deadline for her weekly newspaper column. Called “Children Learn What They Live,” its nineteen lines went on to be translated into thirty-five languages. It was distributed to millions of new parents by a baby products company. And in 2005, Crown Prince Naruhito of Japan said he was raising his three-year-old daughter according to its positive verses.

What Dr. Nolte was expressing in her simple way over half a century ago is simply this: parenting styles affect development. Positive parenting styles affect development positively, and negative parenting styles affect development negatively.

Positive parenting styles are those which not only notice, but acknowledge and praise the good behaviors in children. Children who receive this sort of affirmation develop confidence, high self-esteem, and an eagerness to engage in more of the behavior which will pay off in more praise.

Negative parenting styles affect development in just the opposite way. Negative parents jump on all the mistakes which children cannot avoid making, correcting them harshly and even humiliating the children. Even worse, a negative parenting style simply takes for granted what a child does right or well, and never offers praise of encouragement because good behavior is simply expected.

Parenting styles affect development for either good or bad, and parents need to know that a conscious decision in favor of a positive parenting style is not only an option, but a responsibility. While many people have children without having made the conscious decision to do, loving those children and to remaining in touch with the idea that parenting styles effect the development of those children are choices they can make each and every day.

Children are terrific observers, and one of the benefits of knowing that parenting style affect development is in realizing that children mirror what they observe. A child who experiences positive reinforcement from his or her parents will learn to be supportive and encouraging of others. In a world where no one ever feels valued enough, raising children who truly appreciate the efforts of those around them is a high calling indeed.

On the other hand, negative parenting styles affect development by controlling through intimidation and ridicule. While they may, in the short term, achieve the obedience that a parent desires, in the long term they will teach the child to fear authority and to bully others. And they only work for as long as the parent can physically intimidate the child.

New parents would do very well to reflect on how their own parent’s parenting styles affected their development and to honestly assess what they wish had been done differently. Being aware that they may put to much weight on their own upbringing as a guide to raising their children is a tremendous first in avoiding a parenting style which will have a negative effect on their affect their children’s development.

Parenting styles affect development; children learn what they live; and the simple poem of five decades ago is as true today as it was when it emerged from Dorothy Law Nolte’s typewriter.